Once your loved one is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s or Dementia your most immediate response is to become educated on the medical prognosis, behavioral symptoms, and medication. However, what is most often overlooked is the emotional transition that you will go through as you watch helplessly as your loved one transitions from mom, dad, spouse, sister, brother, grandparent or friend to a state of disorientation, helplessness, agitation and worst of all a child like persona that is no longer the person you once knew.

Keep in mind the progression of Alzheimer’s varies from person to person. Caring for a person with Alzheimer’s can be emotionally overwhelming and at times physically demanding. Not to mention on-going discussions with the family, social workers, doctors, nursing homes etc. of what is the best and the most affordable care you can provide your loved one. Moreover, the endless red-tape of Medicare, Medi-Cal, private health insurance, estate issues and more; all the while you try to maintain your own life and/or that of your own immediate family, manage the finances and work. This is the face of Alzheimer’s for you the caretaker who scrambles to insure the safety, comfort, and healthcare of your loved one.

So what can you do to prepare, find support, and as much is possible to emotionally transition, come to terms with the loss of your loved one, so that as they outwardly fade away you are not left to grieve until the very end feeling that you were so caught up in the day to day you did not have closure to whatever degree possible with that loved one. Do not be left saying “I wish I had talked about this,” when it is too late.

As soon as possible find a support group in your area for loved ones of Alzheimer’s patients. Call your local nursing homes, your local hospital’s geriatric ward, your doctor’s office or your Health Insurance Company, senior community center, and church or temple for a referral. If you cannot physically attend a group due to time or distance there are support groups on-line and in chat rooms, dedicated to those who need support. Simply Google ‘Alzheimer Support Group’ in your city and state. Find two others in your support group that you can exchange your phone number and email address so that in a time of need if you can’t reach one you can reach the other and the same for them. A support group let’s you know you are not alone and can provide invaluable information that those in the field often forget to share. Those small details that may be huge for you if you only new this part is like having a baby all the things that are not mentioned until you are five to six months pregnant and there is no turning back.

Celebrate the life of your loved one, with them. Talk to them. Listen to them. Gather as many memories as you can. Reassure them that you are with them and that love you them and will be there for them.

Allow yourself to grieve each stage of loss of the person you knew. Even if you have to take a bath and be by yourself in the tub (some of the best crying is done there), or wake up or go to sleep a ½ hour early to allow yourself time to process your feelings. Keep a journal so that you are not in denial of the reality of your emotional life. Reach out to friends and loved one’s who may have experienced the loss of a loved one through a terminal illness. Once a week you must set aside a minimum of two hours to do something anything you consider fun to reduce your stress. Don’t be a martyr if your loved one has outside care or someone in your family other than you, let them share the load, in fact create a schedule so you know when you can look forward to your time away. Don’t expect others to feel the same way about the person afflicted with Alzheimer’s as they may have had a completely different relationship. This way you can reduce the drama in your head regarding how you feel about their participation or lack thereof.

If the diagnosis gives you time before your loved one becomes too disoriented make sure you get a power of attorney, make sure they have a healthcare directive and find out if there are assets put aside for their final wishes and resting place. If they do not have any assets begin saving sooner than later so that when the end is near you can both gracefully transition. Finally, make sure you keep up with your friends do not socially isolate. When taking care of a loved one and for those whose loved one is not deceased but no longer available make sure you have a life to return to otherwise the grief and loss will be even greater at the end because you will have a great deal of emotional space and time that was filled with the drama of the illness that now has to be filled with your joy of living.