When Rosie the Riveter’s husband returned from WWII so did her life without options outside of the kitchen. American life was set in stone; men provided while women were the caretakers and housewives. This is still the American dream so many want but in reality can’t achieve because they do not have enough money to support it and therefore they feel trapped and frustrated by the responsibility to maintain it. Not to mention the relationship between the spouses has resulted more often than not in doubt and emotional stress.

In the new millennium it’s not enough that each household aspire to have one computer, cell phone, car, flat screen, Ipod, and Nintendo, but now each individual in the house must have one of their own otherwise your selfish, cheap or playing favorites.

The result, the members of Generation Jones and Generation X are facing a role reversal of the American Dream. This generation of women will not just be going back to work until their husbands are re-employed and then return home, instead many will continue to work and continue their housewife responsibilities. They will have to contribute not only to maintaining their family but paying off what seems like insurmountable debt.

Here’s a slice of American pie that will have a lasting impact on the traditional roles of the spouses. The fear, anxiety and frustration of women who anticipated marriage as their guarantee of financial security but now the dream of being a stay at home mom or “housewife” may not be a reality. For those already married they are the women who for the first time realize their husbands are human and are no longer equipped to protect them from the outside world.

In previous blogs I have firmly stated my full support of real housewives and the importance of their hard work at home and raising their children. That being said, for some women, there is no tolerance for their husband’s emotional breakdown in watching their business, long-career or job in a specific area (which often does not translate easily to another field of work) fail. Men from mid to early 40’s through 65 are suddenly faced with completely starting over, in the real estate market, car business, factory assembly, corporate careers, textile…the list is long and may not be pretty.

I am disheartened by the stories I have heard in 2009 that reflect our unwillingness to extend to our men, the same emotional support we so desperately want filled by “our man.” Our men need us as they transition from provider to “househusband” until they can figure out what’s next. For some househusband may become a permanent answer while their wife earns the higher salary. Despite what you may or may not think of men (and girl I understand) they generally do have their family’s best interests at heart. They want us to have the house in a great neighborhood, good schools, support your passion, vacations, and pretty things whatever it is in the lifestyle you and your children want.

However, in the first six months of unemployment we see them struggle and feeling defeated by the job market in their own fields. Some take any job, while looking for another. By the second six months we are disappointed, disgusted by their being at home and need for them to start doing the chores that you no longer have the time to complete. I whole hardly agree whoever is home takes care of the home.

Unfortunately they are struggling with depression and anxiety as the job market is bleak and funds have all about run out. They are not proud of sitting on the couch overwhelmed and feeling defunct, they do not know the symptoms of depression. We begin to believe they have become lazy, taking advantage of the situation as a temporary vacation while we scramble to keep it all going.

But what if for these men this is the first time they have enough time off to actually feel those feelings you so wished they had explored in the first 5 years of marriage. What if their traditional coping strategies no longer work as they struggle to redefine themselves and they feel they are too old to ask for new role-models? What if, instead of yelling out for them to get off the couch and listening to your family and friends validate for you that he is now a bum, you also find new coping strategies to become his team member rather than judging and yelling like the coach from the bleachers get up you S.O.B. Yes, you need the money now but at what cost to him, kids and marriage.

The man you thought you married is still there but he needs a chance to regroup. His internal life, his ego as he knows it has been shattered. You don’t have to understand the way a man thinks to support him as one human being to another. He needs to know you still value and appreciate him. He needs your acknowledgement that he has been a “good” man and you will be there to catch him when he falls.

We women have forgotten our men are temporarily wounded, they are not damaged or broken, and their self-esteem is in effect, injured. I am speaking of the family man who spent his life with good intentions protecting, providing and taking pride in his accomplishments as a father. The guy who doesn’t ask for extra-credit by doing the right thing such as being faithful, the guy that didn’t bail when relationships issues were tough and the kids were acting out, the guy who even if divorced or separated is still reliable. Yeah, that guy who bought into the original meaning of the American dream and Ladies I have met many of them. They are out there.

During these harsh economic times we all need to pull together during the hard times. It is easy to be happy when all is well. Now is the time to remember why you are together and what is the most important things in your lives are.