Recently a member of my Face book network reached out with question about how to help her sister that is a victim of domestic violence, below is her question and my answer. Question: Do you have any suggestions or resources I could look into regarding an adult sister who just admitted that her boyfriend, who lives with her, has beaten her up a few times? I am wondering if I should insert myself into that situation, or just stand back and let the drama unfold? Maybe at least do some research?” There are numerous websites and articles on domestic violence you can Google anytime. From a simple internet search, you can also find women’s shelters, women’s groups, and information on the cycle of domestic violence

You can assist your sister by insuring that she gets educated immediately, so that, she herself can get out of denial or work on getting out of denial. Make sure she gets the list of shelters so she knows exactly where to go and their phone number if she needs to escape. It would be best if she can make a police report every time he hits her. It is very important to establish a legal record of the incidents, and to encourage her to press charges. Tell her to always keep a secret bag packed with an extra set of keys, and cash.If she has to have a credit card, then she should get one and have the bill sent somewhere other than her house so that he cannot find her through tracking where she spends. Have the card sent to a P.O. Box. If she has money in the bank, make sure she has an ATM card and the account number isn’t indicated anywhere. She can then choose a bank location that is nowhere near where she is staying or send a friend to make the withdrawal. Make sure she has her driver’s license, social security card, and/ or birth certificate and any other important papers or documents.

A change of clothes, a couple pair of underwear and gym shoes would also be helpful. If she has a child or children, she should make arrangements with someone before the day she may have to escape from him. Have a change of clothes for the children, diapers, formula, and one comfort blanky or stuffed animal for your child to have with them. These items can be at your friend’s house already.If you have no one to go to, have diapers and a bottle, in other words, the very basics so the bag is still light enough to run with. Make sure she also includes medication needed, and a pre-paid cell phone with the phone numbers of the most important people in her life. Always keep the car with the gas tank at least 1/2 full so she does not have to stop. If she cannot get to a shelter or place of safety only stop where she is in a totally public place find security, call the police, hide out in a store and get help anyway she can.

Drive to the >police station or local hospital, call 911 from the car, and let them know she has been attacked by her spouse. Give her location and driver’s license number so that they are aware of the situation. If the children are still in the house, request the police go there as soon as possible in order to look out for their immediate safety. Some women keep a licensed stun gun to stop their husbands without killing them. This gives them enough time to get out of the house. Invite her to a counseling session with you to talk openly with her. Let her know you love her and will be there for her, and that she is not alone. Make it an Excuse Free Life! Dr. Leslie